Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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