Who wears a wallet chain?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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