1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
