So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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