that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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