Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
