I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
