Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
