ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
