would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize