I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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