I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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