Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
