as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
