My entire life is one complicated drinking game
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
