Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
