Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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