I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
