I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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