Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
