his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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