My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
