so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
