Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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