May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
