Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
