im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
