I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
