I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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