Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
