It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
