My Higher Power is John Stamos
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
