Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
