Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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