my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
