I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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