she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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