Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
