Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
