I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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