She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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