there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
