so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
