i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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