Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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