You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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