there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
