I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
