we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
