we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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