so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
