We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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