I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize