dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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