apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
