dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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