he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
