I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
