New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
