Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
