I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize