Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
