im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize