his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
