And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
