Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
