I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
