I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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