i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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